Five years ago you walked down the aisle with your soul mate and the love of your life. You had nothing but hope and joy for the rest of your lives together. Everything was an adventure and you experienced everything together for the first time. Now it’s five years on and maybe everyday life has dulled a little of the shine. You’ve been married 5 years. Now what?Photo Credit: The Wedding Photographer
I have been married 15 going on 16 years now. I chose to write about the 5 year mark because that is when we noticed a change. All my married friends have agreed that 5 years marks the spot where we all become just a little too comfortable with each other. This is when most couples start having children and it’s no longer just about the 2 of you anymore. Your focus unintentionally starts to shift away from each other.
How can you tell you have reached this stage? I call it the leg test! We can all agree married or not during the winter months we don’t shave our legs as well as we do in the summer. At 5 years I bet it doesn’t have to be snowing down a storm to find some stubbly legs. Now I am not saying that you have to be hair free 24/7/365, but you get my point.
Ok so now we understand the honeymoon is over. Everything is not as new and I can guarantee the cute way he told jokes when you were dating is now something you find annoying. How many times can you listen to the same joke year after year? People often tell me how fun it must be to live with Steve. They think I have personal seat to the comedy club every day. No…… Please don’t encourage him I say. Have you done this or something similar?
Don’t worry that you are being a mean wife. It’s very natural to find the things you once found attractive, annoying now. It’s how you handle this that will decide if you are a mean wife.
You are at the point where you think you know everything about this person. There is nothing new to learn. You are b.o.r.e.d. If you are feeling this. Guess what so is he. Men are not going to sit you down and say “hey have you noticed we don’t have as much fun as we used to.” or “what do you think we can do to get that spark back” More than likely he hasn’t even noticed. But I can guarantee that you have noticed. The honeymoon is over, but romance doesn’t have to be.
Therapists will tell you that you should sit down and talk about this. While I 100% think that communication is one of the most important aspects to a healthy marriage, I can tell you from my experience and many other women, talking to man about “feelings” will shut him right down. They are not good at listening or talking about yours or his or anyone’s feelings. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about or love you. He is probably a fantastic father, a great guy, and loves you deeply.
Men show love through actions more than words. He goes to work to provide, he mows the lawn, takes out the garbage, fixes broken things, and kills spiders for you. He LOVES you. No doubt. Yet, there is still that nagging feeling that things are not as shiny and exciting as they used to be. So what do you do now?
You can show him through your actions how you want to bring the spark back. He will notice that! Make a list of all the things you used to do before you were married and what you found sexy or fun about him back then.
From that list you can schedule a fun date night. Doing things that you used to do before you were married is a fantastic way to bring yourselves back to what attracted you both to each other in the first place. Those things that you found sexy? I bet he still does them every now and then. The next time you notice, compliment him. I bet you find that he will do it more often now.
Getting back to you both. Back to who you were before marriage, mortgage, careers, and kids. Going back there together will stimulate and enhance your marriage in ways you didn’t think possible.
What are some ways that you like to liven up the marriage? I’d love to learn from you!