Welcome to The Plaid & Paisley Kitchen. Because life happens in the kitchen!
This post series is going to be a departure from recipes. I made the decision to open up my life to my readers this year. I want to share with you stories from my life. Stories that I hope will speak to you and help you in your life and relationships.
May 27, 2000, was the day I married my Prince Charming! We were in our late twenties and we were so very much in love! 15 years, 7 states, 4 houses, and many infertility fights later my world came to a crashing halt.
August 23, 2015, I looked into my no longer Prince Charmings eyes as he coldly said, “There is nothing left. I want a divorce.”
It was like the breath was knocked out of me. I swear my heart stopped beating. My head filled with blood and I could only hear this sickening thumping noise. My chest was on fire. All I could do was look at those cold, hard, unforgiving, blue eyes. Eyes that once looked at me with such love it would make me swoon. Now they were the eyes of an emotionless stranger.
He became a blurry image as the tears started to flow. With the wind still knocked out of me I breathlessly whispered, “What? No.” I don’t even know if he heard me. After a few pointless exchanges, he left the house.
9 months later and it still tears me up to recall that night and the next 3 horrible months of my life.
I do not think I will ever fully recover. A little piece of my heart died that night.
I am here to tell you that those words do not have to be the final blow to your marriage. We did find our way back to each other and we are very much in love again.
The journey it took was hard, long, painful, and at times embarrassing. That journey though is not as important as the one that brought us to that horrible night. The journey down the rabbit hole and not the one back into the light is what I want to share with you.
Maybe you are contemplating ending your own marriage. Maybe you have had your first real fight. Maybe you have noticed that you are starting to grow apart. Maybe you just want to make sure this doesn’t happen to you. Whatever your reasons are for being here reading this, I want you to learn how we arrived at that horrible night in the first place. So you can do everything to not let it happen to you.
No one uses the word Divorce lightly. If someone is feeling or saying it there are many factors that brought them to that point.
In understanding what brings a person to this is also the way to learning how to mend, heal and bring love back to the relationship.
The night my husband said the marriage was over was the worst night I have ever had and I didn’t think the pain could get any worse. I was wrong. I was very wrong.
Apparently during our 15 years of marriage neither one of us handled stress, anger, or hurt very well. Where I was very vocal and never held back my frustrations, my husband held it all in. He let it fester. He let it get dark. He let it get ugly. When he couldn’t hold it back any longer it was like a black cancer that spread so fast nothing could stop it any longer.
We made it back from there. From the blackest of nights we made it back into the light of day and our love has grown stronger for it.
Throughout this series, I want to help you explore your relationships through the telling of my own. I hope to help you through your own hard journey or to give you the tools to keep this from happening to you. I want to help you not lose your husband like I almost did.
But first, for today, I want to let you know just because someone says the word divorce does not mean that it is all over. There is a way back. It will take work. It will hurt and it may get worse before it gets better. But it can get better.
As long as there is any love between you two it can get better!
Next week: Early signs in your marriage that something is wrong.